Training in Womanhood

In effort to be able to stand firmly on what the Lord is teaching me as He trains me in womanhood, and to be able to articulate it to myself and any younger woman that God places in my life, I am working on writing those things out. Here is the first of what I pray will be many “Training in Womanhood” posts.

My Affliction: Psalm 119: 67-72

Is it okay to say that my children are my affliction? Because I do say that, but when I say it I have nothing but joy and thankfulness in my heart. Let me explain…

I can’t remember a time that I didn’t want to be a wife and a mom. I prayed all the time that I would meet the right man and that God would allow me to bear children. I found myself in the middle of the answer to my prayers and totally unprepared for the task. Everyone told me how great it was to be a mom. No one told me how difficult it would be. I had no foundation, no ammunition to fight the fight I was facing in my heart and mind. People would ask, “Don’t you just love being able to stay at home?” To which I would respond with the appropriate, “Oh yes, I love it!” But the truth was that there were many days that I hated it. Staying at home and raising children was not all glorious moments of joy and fulfillment that I think I expected. Instead of walking happily through life high on “I love you mommy” moments, things were quite the opposite. My life was an endless cycle of ups and downs that depended on how my children behaved and how I responded. Plus I found myself battling lies that I never knew I believed- lies that came from the world, lies that seemed to come from the church even, but mostly lies that came from my own head and heart. I realized that I had been so deeply deceived by feminist thought that I was totally caught off guard. I struggled daily with feelings of worthlessness and no sense of purpose as a mom. I looked to my children for fulfillment, I looked to other moms for support, and I was making a foundation for myself out of fluctuating feelings and emotions about my role as mother. It all faltered, it all failed, and I was drowning.

So, truly my children are not my affliction. However, as a result of having children, I became aware of the lies that so deeply afflict me. All the foundations and support I was making for myself was failing. This forced me to rely on the only lasting foundation. The Lord has sent me to his word to discover what he says about me as a woman and as a mother. His word stands in stark contrast to the world around me and to my own sinful mind and heart, BUT it is a firm foundation. And for all that I rejoice and am overwhelmed with thankfulness to God.

Now I can say with joy, even in daily struggles, “it is good for me that I was afflicted, that I might learn [His] statutes” Because “before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I [am learning to] keep [His] word”. The law of the Lord truly is better than thousands of gold and silver pieces!

And so my training in womanhood began… Only by the grace of God.